I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
