I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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