Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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