I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need moral support for this bender
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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