I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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