Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
