ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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