i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
