Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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