I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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