I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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