My brain says no but my pants say off.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have feelings that need drinking.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
