He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
