Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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