This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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