I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
