I want to have your abortion
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
