That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
