Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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