One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
