My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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