Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
