..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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