She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
