Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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