She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
