Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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