Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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