I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
