I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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