Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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