I wish my penis had an off switch
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
