And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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