No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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