Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
