I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
