weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
