So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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