Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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