I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
