i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
