so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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