So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
