As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
