I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
