i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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