I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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