Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
should my penis look like a turkey
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
