We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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