Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We smell like vodka and hangover
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