remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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