HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
