i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
