Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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