Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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