Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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