Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
